Headlines:

Tazer Ball: The most shocking extreme sport of the year — Santorum fills GOP’s ‘enthusiasm gap’ — NYC hotels to issue panic buttons to staff in wake of DSK scandal — Whales not slaves because they are not people, judge in SeaWorld case rules — Man sentenced to romantic Red Lobster dinner with wife after marital spat — Top Sheriff’s Official Drunk, Passed Out in Car on Freeway -&- Trigger-happy Obama fires marshmallow gun in White House